Welcome to The Reluctant Psalmist – a place of refuge and hope for the heavy-hearted and longsuffering. 

More than likely, you found this blog because you are hurting.  Allow me to say in all sincerity I am sorry for the pain and struggles you may be experiencing.  While we cannot truly know the griefs and joys inside another person, I invite you to consider this blog an extra set of arms to help bear your burdens (Proverbs 14:10, Galatians 6:2).

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Roughly three years ago, I was inspired to start journaling about my life. During this time, my husband (now 39 years old) developed a debilitating illness.  Twenty-plus doctors and one out-of-state move later, his illness remains with no diagnosis.  While some recent medical findings and positive momentum have brought us to a more hopeful place, the trial continues with no real end in sight.

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As my husband and I approach our 40th birthdays, we are mystified at how utterly incorrect we were about the trajectory of our lives. Our once confident plans and expectations were replaced with shattered dreams, fear, abandonment, and isolation.  The fall-out on our spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial well-being has been substantial, to say the least.  But amidst all the lows, there has been one steady, slow burning flame deep inside my soul, bringing me to my knees in both despair and praise: Jesus.

 

Thirteen years ago, I became a Christian. But the last three years have led me to the Jesus I never really knew; the One people call gentle, lowly, and trustworthy.  Is my suffering over? No. But my preconceived and experiential notions of Jesus have been turned upside down.  Jesus is helping me. He is walking me through the wilderness of my life, one step at a time.  While I continue to pray for a swift removal from our suffering with a loud, miraculous "BANG!", I am learning that Jesus stands with me as each scene of this trial unfolds. And with every twist and turn of our path, I am gaining the confidence and trust in God I was missing for far too long.

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And so, this blog is a labor of love.  It shares my journal entries from the last three years in storybook form (more on that below). I hope you, dear reader, find similarities between my story and yours. I pray you find some relief in knowing that you are not alone in your suffering and there are others who empathize and recognize the toll it has taken on your life.  May this blog comfort you and perhaps introduce you to the Jesus you may not know either.

 

A few things to know before jumping in:

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1. Each blog post is part autobiography, part fiction.  I have placed my real-life experiences within the context of a fictional world. I affectionately call this world and story, “The Portal Place”.  In it, the protagonist (me) steps through a mysterious portal, leaving her finite world behind and enters an unseen spiritual realm.  Different scenarios appear as she walks along a lonely path of self-discovery and faith.  So, if I’m doing what I’ve set out to do, what you read will sound like a fantastical/allegorical rendering of my life. But dear reader, with a few plot tweaks and character changes, this could be the story of your life too.

2. Every interaction that takes place between Jesus and the main character is something I have either personally experienced in my real journey with Him, or have envisioned through the practice of imaginative prayer, journaling, and reading the Word of God. 

3. This blog is a work-in-progress.  For now, this mess (I mean, blog) will read like excerpts from an incomplete novel. I have no ending in mind and the transitions are not yet in place. But, I’m looking forward to taking this writing journey with you.  Thank you for your patience and support as I put my ever-reluctant pen to paper.

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Sincerely,

The Reluctant Psalmist