An Old Path with a New Friend

We walked together on the path.  I was tired but willing to continue now that He was right there next to Me.  There was an orange hue surrounding us, presumably from the reflection of the sandy, clay-like path underneath our feet.  He walked with purpose; it was as though each step had meaning.  I wonder what it would be like if I walked that way—not a single drop of energy wasted.  For a few moments, I disappeared into the recesses of my mind remembering all of the times in which I had wasted time and energy recently.  Whether it be worrying about my future or mindlessly scrolling on the internet.  What started out as a simple inventory of my memories quickly became a self-bashing fest.  “You have wasted so much time.  And you’re never going to stop, because you can’t, you’re addicted.  Addicted to your cell phone, addicted to being entertained, addicted to escaping, addicted to trying to get out and numb the pain.  But you won’t.  You’ll never be special enough.  You’ll never be able to do what He’s called you to do.  Look at how badly you’re doing.  You don’t even have a job.  You can’t support yourself.  You take from others. That’s not God helping you.  Grow up.  Get it together,” said my brain.  Entranced, I continued walking—until He stopped.  Startled back into reality, if you could call it that, I stopped too.  He turned and looked at me.  There was a fierce yet welcoming look in His eyes. 

“I don’t want you to do this to yourself anymore.”

“I can’t help it, Lord.”

“I know you can’t stop the initial thoughts from coming, but you can redirect yourself from digging into them.  Don’t build your life on the foundation of these thoughts.  Instead, build it on Me.  I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  If I have called you to do something, I will give you everything you need to accomplish it.  I know your life has not panned out the way you thought it would, and your heart and mind have been at war with you and each other for a very long time.  But I am the one who can heal You.”

“But, Lord, it is taking so long to heal.  And I feel like I can’t heal fully until we are out of this place, this place of suffering.”

“Oh, but, child, there is healing amidst the suffering.  That is how My power works best in you.  To know true peace, we must also know true suffering.  And the world in which you live has no shortage of it.”

“Will we ever get out of it?  I just feel so judged, not only by others, but by myself.  And I can’t stop it.  I feel so stuck.  Almost like I’m stuck for a reason.”

“Maybe you are stuck for a reason.  Dependence on Me is something most people will never experience.  Few are chosen for this.”

“Why us, Lord?  Why?  What can I do to help us?”

“The best thing You can do to help yourselves is to pray and stay with Me.  As for why, you will know in time.”

“Ugh! Lord, please.  I need more of an answer.  When I hear You say that, I feel like I’m making up that response in my head and it’s not actually You saying it, like it’s an amalgamation of my hopes and escapism and false prophecy.  And I can’t get past it!”

“False prophecy?  Hmm.  That’s a good one.  Listen to Me carefully, child.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard or what you think you’ve heard from Me.  As long as you keep following Me, staying in communication with Me, you will get to where I have called you.  Although you may feel alone at times in this struggle, I have not left you, and I never will.”

“It’s hard to separate You from my expectations of You.”

“That’s a common problem.  We all have our scars and the memories that caused them.  But they all can become meaningful marks of My glory instead of just pain.”

“But how?”

“Time, effort, energy—all of those things you beat yourself up about.”

“But I try, Lord.”

“I know you do.  But, in order to truly heal, we sometimes need to take the time to be still and let our hearts and minds process the issues.  Distractions, however welcome they may be, are not the antidote. They only help with the symptoms of the pain.  Sometimes, it is good to have distractions to give our bodies a break.  But other times, we need to allow ourselves to experience the pain and the anguish of our realities in order to bring about healing.  But fear not, dear child, you are not called to do this alone.  I go with you, and I can heal your deepest wounds.”

“But how, Lord?”

“Well, you’re doing it right now.  Being with Me, talking to Me.  It’s a good start.  Let’s continue, yes?” As He said this, we began walking again, just Him and I, down the winding path.

“So, what’s next, Lord?  What topic should we start with?  What do I need to get out in order to heal?”

He chuckled.  “Right now, I just want You to walk with Me down this path.”